Relationships, What to do if quarrels with a partner come to blows
A psychologist and sexologist talk about how to prevent fights during quarrels and how to restore trust in a relationship.
– I am 23 years old, my boyfriend is 25, we live together for two years. Over the past six months, we’ve been fighting and arguing about everything. Because of this, our relationship has deteriorated, there is no intimacy. Frequent quarrels led to the fact that we both became nervous and irritable. Our quarrels, even on small things, reach mutual tantrums and fights.
For example, two weeks ago I found out that my boyfriend is texting with girls in social networks and offers to meet some of them. I couldn’t help myself and started a row. In the end, it came to insults, and then to a fight – I started hitting my boyfriend. In response, he pulled my hair and cursed me. After that fight, we don’t talk, we sleep in separate rooms, and we try to avoid each other. We’ve both apologized to each other, but we keep our distance.
You can read How to escape Toxic relationship
I don’t understand how to fix the situation, how to forget everything, return to the previous relationship and stop bringing quarrels to fights and humiliations?
– It seems that the couple’s relationship is strained to the limit. First, the girl and the guy should decide on the rules of behavior in a pair. For example, talk to your partner about how they will respect each other’s physical boundaries and not use physical violence.
You need to understand that you can only resolve conflicts and build good relationships when there is mutual respect and understanding in the couple. But not when violence is used as an argument.
If during a scandal you feel that the conversation is moving from a constructive channel to an emotional one, take a break. Warn your partner that you are currently emotional and can say things that you will regret later. Leave the room, count to ten, and then continue to sort things out.
Try to maintain an emotional level that helps the dialogue. If this does not work at all, then you should seek help from a psychotherapist.
If you can give up affective ways of reacting in conflict and come to a dialogue, then you may be able to return to the former passion and tenderness in the relationship.
In this situation, with emotional intensity and claims to each other, I would advise you to contact a psychologist, so that a specialist can help build a dialogue.
– The crisis of family relations is always a barrier for young couples. Often, trying to overcome it, couples make the same mistakes. For example, a couple does not have a constructive dialogue and restrains emotional impulses.
If partners are not able to cope with the flow of negative feelings, this can lead to physical violence. This happens if one of the partners feels hopeless and unbearable in the current situation. Then the natural biological reactions of flight, attack, or fading (imaginary death) are activated.
Accordingly, to avoid this, you should not accumulate experiences until the moment of “emotional explosion”. You need to learn to be sincere in your emotions, even if they are negative. Then there will be no sense of hopelessness and physical aggression in conflicts.
If physical abuse does occur, the couple needs to discuss and analyze it in order to determine how to behave in similar situations in the future. For example, to install some signals on the temporary pause that any of the partners will be able to use in the growing conflict.
In such a situation, it will not be possible to return the old passion to the relationship, but it is possible to continue building close and trusting relationships. However, the couple will have to do a lot of psychological work, where family psychologists, sexologists, and psychotherapists can help.Facebook InstagramTwitter